Developmental resources

Listen and empathise. People often positively respond if they feel they have been heard. We can acknowledge that a situation is frustrating or disappointing for someone. Patience and courtesy serve us.

Apologise if warranted. Often the fastest way to de-escalate unpleasantness is to say sorry. Don't make excuses. Ask if there is anything you or your team could do to improve the situation. Commit to fixing what you can.

Care but do not care too much. Much of the time, the negative moods of others have little to do with you. It is not your job to rescue customers and colleagues from their negative moods. You have more valuable things to spend your time on.

Suggest better ways to work together. We can outline to customers and colleagues how we prefer to work. This includes mutual, respectful communication. It is appropriate to set boundaries when people are rude to us.

Convert new allies. Unpleasant people often have small inner circles. If you can find a way to work with them, they may become very loyal to doing business with you. Your ability to be emotionally agile will win allies.

Focus on observable behaviours. Identify behaviours not perceived character flaws that you want them to improve. Be clear how and when you want the change.

Discuss reasons. Ask your team member to explain their behaviours. Even if they're defensive, you can explore together how they could improve. The issues could include task overload, insufficient skills, or lack of enjoyment. Ask how you can help.

Match your energy to the problem. If a team member is anxious or too switched-on, help them be calmer with quiet coaching. If they seem complacent, then you need to inject energy by explaining the consequences of them not changing.

Limit biases. We limit recency bias by considering the person's earlier performance. We limit confirmation bias by seeking disconfirming evidence and a range of opinions. Committing to being fair is a mindset that reduces biases.

Don't be a rescuer. A leader's role is to support and coach an underperforming team member. It's not your responsibility to rescue someone who doesn't have the motivation or skills for the job. The team benefits by all members being a good fit.

Defeat telephobia. Some salespeople defer to email because they're uncomfortable calling. To help overcome this contact reluctance, schedule specific times to call. Have a curious mindset. And focus on the value you could create for the client.

Call when it's attractive to your client. Busy clients appreciate us being flexible on scheduling conversations. Early and late calls show we're committed. Offer to call when they're in transit. Walking phone meetings are productive.

Put yourself on mute. When we meet face to face, we get visual cues that the client has more to say. We're more likely to interrupt or talk over when we're on a phone call. To solve this and listen better, put yourself on mute while the client is talking.

Know how to get past gatekeepers. Enlist the assistance of EAs and other colleagues of your client. Let them know a bit about why you're calling and ask when is a good time to again call your client. Most people are helpful.

Ask double bind questions. For example, is it best that I call you again this afternoon or tomorrow morning? These telephone questions are direct and give the client choice.